Snowflakes

In real life- we can fall in love with our own reflections, we can fall in love with our friends old romances, we can fall in love with the night sky, we can fall in love with the idea that we are in love, and we can fall in love with our dreams.  

No one can make us fall for the people we fall for.  And only the strongest dams can stop the flood of affection we feel towards certain people.  

Should we be penalized for this?  Or should we be rewarded?  

There are so many types of love out there.  They are as scattered and individual as the seasons first snowflakes.  The way we love each person we are in contact with is so different.  So grasp the opportunity to love like you never loved before- because you wont get it again.

Hope? One Hopes

Where We Sit

The gaps in the darkness are filled

by laughter.

From where we sit,

we can view ourselves.

What we hate 

what we love

what we want.

What shall we do?

For where we sit

we can not bring action to thought

Overlooked

A box turtle 

moving slowly along

the 

ground.

Blends in with the nearby

air.

You must search to find.

Munching on a favorite vegetable 

how did I not notice it before?

Chin Up

Let me explain to you how I deal with any sort of problem- I, hard core, keep my chin up.  I turn cold, unobtainable, and untamed.  I swivel away from tears or any other sign of emotion.  Instead I smile.  Not in a mask like way one comes to expect from a girl.  There is no mask.  Only abandoned weakness.  This bizarre complex is not a product of a sad childhood, nor have I had anything in my life that would make me react like this.  Somehow I have turned into this carefree monster without taking the time to greave at a broken heart.   Are these hormonal feelings even worth the self containment that I am forcing on myself?  Would it not be easier to just let the sadness out?  These are valuable points.  And rather than answer them I will gracelessly skate over them.  

I like to play the hero.  To fix whatever dramatic occurrences present themselves.  I like to stand tall and strong.  To rein in and curb any amount of emotion that others (weaker than myself) have failed to do.  My general reaction to a broken heart is "break it again".  My second reaction to the small pieces of myself I am left holding after rejection- is "we can still be best friends".  Where does this inner strength come from?  Is it a blessing or a curse?  For once, I wish I could be less understanding of the world.  Less reasoned.  I wish I could get angry about friends not being there.  Or about guys who know me and don't like me.  But no.  It is always- "She just got a boyfriend.  She does not have time to spend with her pathetic, pessimistic, craving acceptance, bitter best friend."  It can't be easy to be friends with a cold stone.  And the guy I fall for.  "He knows me too well.  He cant help not having the spark for me."  He would not fall for someone as boring as myself.  So I sit here.  Instead of crying- I wallow in self pity.  But only on the inside.  Because on the outside I have my chin up.  Because of times before- I know that if I hold out long enough on the outside- that the inside will also grow again.  And it has begun. 

The Learned Few

After years of criticism towards those girls so easily placed into the category of "boy crazy", I find the stories and laughter that they emanate peaceful.  A lot can be learned from a girl who is concentrated on a guy.  Even the best of the "independent, free, uncaring women" can be trapped in the net of some passing guy, whose vocabulary and summer reading list stretch further than her own.  When such a event takes place- you will find that hard to get girl- in the midst of the "boy crazy" girls.  The world needs these girls to train the immature guys.  Anyhow- I have started to enjoy the tales told of many a stupid guy.  The tales of romantic and failure, of blown out tires on a country road, of accidental phrases, of first kisses and breakups, and of the complex simplicity of falling in love.  For some the spark is easily found.  We should begin to realize that those who find it swiftly are the lucky ones.  And we who sit and wait- are perhaps not as high up on that list of greatness.