I Skipped Preschool. Help Me Out.

Should I be the one to say it first?

I was the first to notice you

I was the first to ask you out

I was the first to smile

I was the first to dream

I was the first to ask questions

I was the first to laugh at a dirty joke

I was the first to fall in love

Should I also be the first to tell you?

Or should I wait my turn?

Just Lie To Yourself

No thoughts flit through my mind.

I don't love him.

Praying is something I do regularly.

I am not vulnerable.

Purity is always the first thing on my mind.

I am humble.

These things don't matter to me.

I deserve the blessings I have been granted.

There is nothing I fear.

Lie to yourself.

Maybe you will feel better too. Or maybe that is also a lie.

Simple

The kind of smile that fills you up. My brother smiles that smile at me with one eyebrow raised. He leans over my book to purposely cast a shadow on its creamy pages. "Hey sister." He states emphasizing the word 'sister' so it sounds more like 'seeestar.' His fresh blue eyes glimmer at me as I try to shoot him the kind of look that would allow me to return to my book. Mission abandoned. Sensing victory, he sits down on the brown/sepia faded chair, and begins to twiddle with a twig. He flicks it at me and it hits me in the face. His expression of joyous shock and the slightest twitch of fear makes me laugh. He condescendingly teases me about my boyfriend while turning the conversation artfully over to the world cup.

Eliot has a way with all people, but he has a very special way of getting to people who do not care to be reached. Someday I will find the words to tell him that he will always be the first man in my heart. But for now, I will show my love by throwing him headfirst off the dock.