Hush

"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper."

Sometimes a man-loves-woman relationship is not made by the romantic sunsets watched, or in all of the epic moments that occur. It can be the most beautiful when it is in a gentle whisper. A whisper that assures me that you think we can survive the five months when I will be the farthest possible distance from you. A whisper that lets me know you love me. A whisper when you praise my prowess at banana grams. That matters more to me than any act, any vow, any rose.

Same goes for siblings. It is not the mountains we have climbed together, or the endless hours spent in the car traveling from place to place, or the presents we give and receive. It is when I tuck you in at night. And kiss you forehead after brushing your hair with my fingers. A tenderness reserved for mother and child, which we share. A joy exclusive between best friends, which we emanate. I love everything you stand for and everything you are. The gentle whisper of 'I love you more' follows me all of my days and my soul does not rest until it is next to yours. What blessed siblings I have been given.

I know God puts people in our lives to teach us about him. We are made in his image, and we need to rub shoulders with others to realize this. The fact that God's most ardent affection for us can be displayed and contained in a whisper reminds me that the relationship one can have with God is real. As real as any whisper of commitment or love. The love God has for us is that of insurmountable measurements.

To commune most closely to God

perhaps we should try whispering back.

One Year

I give you a picture in a frame

a 14 page note

but they seem so worthless

because I have already given you my heart.

I know how standard a phrase that is

So perhaps I shall reword it.

Your kiss gives me words

your words make me want kisses

and you are not mine

and I am not yours

We allow each other to belong to something greater than just our relationship.

And I love you more for that.

In the cookies of life; friends are the chocolate chips.

Friends:

Discuss faults and comfort

even when they know that you are flawed.

Agitatedly put up with you

because they know the best intentions lie in your heart.

They know this

due to the endless hours spent talking

by the fire

running down a sidewalk

through the hallways a smile

whispering happy birthday at twelve into your phone.

Lips curling around our words

snuggling through conversation

dreaming of who we wish we were

but loving each how she is.

Friends

Shadow of Who You Were Once

There once was a love story here

I pick up the shards of where you smashed it.

It has been two years now since you have been alone,

one has moved on

after a long pause

the other floats with no direction.

How many scars the two of you have given each other.

I was there for the push and tugs of new beginnings

and the breakup over the phone.

What have you become? I, who was once dear to you both, wonder.

What are your dreams

Who matters to you

Where do the broken places no longer hold water.

I see one of you reach out a hand of friendship, and awkwardly make small talk.

The other seem to be far above awareness.

Still so caught up in yourselves, and ignoring those others who mattered once.

Pseudonym

"How are you and Nick?"

This question is asked of all who even have the faintest inkling that we were dating. My response is generally vague, or I tell some trifling worry I have at that moment. My focus suddenly leaves the conversation and wanders through a path of thoughts. I try to send out the message that I am not attached to him, while at the same time whispering in a small voice how deeply I love him.

It has become very hard to lie. Very difficult to bare my emotions. Very challenging to pretend that I would not be crushed if it fails. I keep waiting for the point to hit when I stop hiding. I am definitely not fooling anyone, but it somehow comforts me.

When I deny the love I feel for him, its like I am forming a pseudonym for my heart. Another name, where I can stay sheltered if this blows up in my face. It is like I could just slip into this other girl, one who does not love him, and I could pretend that this name also carries a hard heart.

Whoever ends up lifting my veil will lift this false name from my face. Until then, I am fine being able to slip into someone else if trouble arises and pretending nothing mattered.

Filling in silences

Sometimes blank spaces

do not need to be filled.

This is how it feels...

I never lose myself in a moment.

Or somewhere in your eyes.

I know exactly where I am.

Looking at you is like looking at the map on the side of a hiking trail

the 'x' tells you exactly where you are

and you can always see which way to take

to get you where you need to be.

There are no rushing colors, no butterflies, no gazes that make everyone else fade away.

There is me and there is you.

I am in love

rather than being just a feeling

it is a fact.

Not fragmented like a poem

nor is it complete like a paper.

There

is

n

o

ord

er.

But is that not how it should seem?

When others have left me breathless, you have filled me with breath.

You are not the reason I choose to live, because you are the one who helps me see all the other reasons.

I cannot really think of something more healthful, practical, or stable than that.

Not always fireworks

or long nights of longingly looking at the other

It is a hand held

words said

tumbling backwards with passion

laughing at clinking teeth

dreaming of the future

begging to go to sleep.