Shame

Does it ever hurt you to look into our worlds future?

The pain and devastation in store.

We shield ourselves

we numb ourselves.

The worst part is that we only wonder about ourselves.

"40% of coral reefs will be gone by 2028, and social security will run out"

All I can think is

"I wonder if Nick and I will still be together."

Because in the hush of my mind, I am selfish. Even when my soul is shouting out to care a little more.

I have turned my heart to winter, and gathered little icicles to create walls that I can see out of. But that will never be quite like looking out of a clear window. My prayer is that God comes into my little house, and uses the breaths of starving, unheld babies to melt these walls away.

If only my faith was as strong as the woman who reached out and touched the edge of Jesus's cloak. If only I could grab that seam and believe. Yet I would be to political and proud to do such a awkward thing as simply reach out. Lord, what I want is to see and break at what I see. What I want is to trust You. You alone can give me what I need. You alone can guide me on my way. You alone may use me. You alone can turn me into something useful.

If I did it by myself

it would still be You

for You knit me in my mothers womb

perl knit perl knit perl knit.

bland, yet remarkable as it may be.